May is my favorite month. Real signs of spring are finally in full bloom, and we take one full day to celebrate Motherhood! Everyone has a mom. Some of us are fortunate enough to still have our mother’s with us, but for some this holiday is bitter sweet. As a young girl I remember watching my mom… she always had a meal on the stove and her 20 minute naps were not to be interrupted. My mother would eat my left overs and wear my hand me downs. She would send me back to “try again” when I came down in an outfit she didn’t approve. Folding laundry during the evening news was like clockwork. She worked and raised four children. When our day was ending she was off to teach night school. It seemed like I was always being grounded for something. How dare she send me to my room? My mom had very high standards for all her children. We always looked and sounded appropriate, always interrupting to correct our grammar. I never knew money was tight – we always had a yummy meal on the table and a beautiful outfit for special occasions. My mom could make three meals for a family of 6 with one roasted chicken and my grandmother made many of our outfits from one bolt of fabric. This was torture for a 12 year old girl who thought she had a sense of fashion, but you should have seen the look on my younger brothers face in his matching suit made of plaid seersucker. She was a traditional mom by Webster’s Dictionary and although I loved her to pieces, I was 14, I knew better, I was smarter than she was, I would be more, do more and I vowed I would never turn into my mother.
Last week as I suited up for a run, I pulled on my 14 year old daughters hand me down leggings. She had grown out of them and tired of their pattern. I love them mostly because they were hers. After the run I came home to the Saturday morning breakfast remains. I ate the leftover pancakes on my children’s plates. Why would I let perfectly good food go to waste? As we prepared to go to a first communion, my daughter came down in her best attempt at a church appropriate outfit. I heard myself say, “try again sweetie, how about that pink flower dress I left on your bed?”
Unlike my mother, I work full time and I am self employed. I work twice as hard for half the pay. Hmm, maybe she did know something! I don’t always have a meal on the stove when the kids come home from after school sports, but how I wish I did. The days I embrace the crock pot she gave me as a wedding gift I feel like a rock star mom as I arrive home – pleasantly surprised I had the forethought to plan ahead. I too have high standards for my children and in this day of relaxed parenting, when I am tested, I consciously choose the path of being a mother and not being my child’s friend. She’s not supposed to like me, she’ supposed to learn from me – and when she is “29” she can write a blog about how she learned something from her mom! My parenting skills were tested this week and I am proud to say, I did learn something from my mother as I watched her and criticized her choices. I took away electronics and grounded my 8 year old until she is 16. Perhaps a bit drastic, but 8 years in her room should set her straight!
As a mom I have chosen my own path and I hope it’s an inspiration to my children. I want them to learn from me. It’s a mother’s job to teach and it’s the hardest job I will ever have. They copy us, they watch us, they will emulate us whether we want them to or not. I want my examples to be ones they follow and I want them to learn from my mistakes. My hope is that they learn to dream and have the courage to follow their own path. I hope one day they eat left overs from their children’s plates and fall asleep in their child’s hand me down sweatshirt. I hope they have the strength to make the right choices and when they realize they made a mistake or have a change of heart, they will have the courage to change their path. I hope they learn to be a good friend and a great parent. I hope they find rhythm in their daily run. Maybe they won’t be runners, but I hope they find the thing or person that makes their heart skip a beat and makes them feel like all is right with the world. I hope they talk about me behind my back and how strict I am but one day realize it was because I love them so much. Yes, I do have high hopes for them… but for now, they’ll have to go to their grandmother’s house for a yummy home cooked meal and they still have to do their chores – it builds character and helps their busy mom because right now… I have to go for a run!
Happy Mother’s Day and thank you to all the great moms, sisters, girlfriends, aunts and neighbors who “mother” so many of us in so many special ways!
Keep Running…
Kyra